Log 05: Remember, it was all worth it. I found myself at the end.
Love is the fruit of all relationships, we all want it, we all need it. Eventually whether you’re single right now, at some point or another you are bound to find that one person that matches you and meets your soul purpose in life. While finding that “perfect” someone isnt as simple as you may think, for those who already have that special person in their life and may be secretly dealing with some form of anxiety problem or with OCD in general this post is for you.
While a quick Google search for “being in a relationship with someone with OCD” will parse a plethora of pages with results, all of them seem to be taking a different approach of what I will explain today. When you begin getting to know someone you go through different phases somewhere in the generalized structure like this:
- You have that magical first encounter
- You exchange numbers and start texting or talking on the phone
- Next you start getting to know each other by asking questions
- Sooner or later you eventually end up hanging out and before you know it one date turns into three
- Then at some point It becomes official and you guys are a couple. TADA!
Now lets get to the the nitty gritty, lets say while you where in step 3 of the above scenario,as you guys started to get to know each other, at that instant (this applies only if you deal with a problem such as OCD) you should of taken a deep breath and opened up to your soon to be significant other. That you are in fact dealing with something very personal and that you are working on improving yourself daily. I can personally tell you by experience that I did not tell my ex girlfriend that I dealt with OCD (anxiety & depression) and it ended up hurting me and costing me emotional distress and actual money from wasted miles to and from seeing her (she lived 5 hours away) and most importantly lost memories.
What I learned from my last relationship is that, getting to know someone is probably if not the most crucial step of a relationship. Its not something you want to fast forward, or rush right into like I did. When someone truly values you, they will do everything and anything to understand your difficulties, doesn’t matter if you have whatever it is that you have that you’ve been struggling with for years, weeks or months, they will understand. Take it from this point of view, ask yourself how do you feel when someone close to you like a mother gets extremely sick to the point where they cannot walk, get out of bed or are even hospitalized? I bet you’d feel terrible, you’d feel their pain and you would do anything within your power to make them feel better. Well that is how someone who wants to be with you feels when they find out that you have a problem such as I did with anxiety. They should like you for who you are,nor judge you for what you have been through, and accept that part of you. Managing your anxiety or depression is in its self a work in process but notifying your boyfriend/girlfriend should be a priority, it will help you out in the long run.
If you took the above and opened up to your significant other on what you are going through, he/she is probably the one for you, if they are proactively trying to help. Someone who cares will help you get out of your depression, they will push you to be better each and every day. As a wise man once told me, “a woman makes you or breaks you” and this is all too real. In my case I decided to hide it, keep it a secret and let it continue to hurt me while I was alone, instead of opening up and being honest from the get go. Now that wasn’t the reason why the relationship didn’t workout but that’s a story for another day, all that matters is that I learned a valuable lesson and it was all worth it. Remember gentlemen reading this, that lady that you are in relationship with, has the power to make you successful or make you a disaster.Choose wisely.
“You’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with”
(This logic also applies to that significant other you allow into your life, they influence who you are)
TLDR: Always tell the truth and if your significant other truly values you, no judgement will be made, instead they will help build you to become a better person, overcome your anxiety and fears. Remember no relationship is a failed relationship, if you learned something from it and helped you grow, you won.